March 2026 Entries

March 18

Ack, not doing too well lately...

I haven't been able to eat anything for a while without feeling nauseous and having terrible acid reflux. Even something like a banana has made me feel like vomiting my guts up TwT

I'm stressing out about responsibility too... I've basically been a NEET for a year, but now I have to get my ass in gear (that rhymed!) and start looking into education and employment... gross. I got accepted into somewhere recently, but I'm too nervous to respond. Lately that's my biggest concern, along with getting my ADHD situation figured out... I'm hoping to start Ritalin or something at least.

I haven't been doing much else lately; I've just been watching Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters and working on this website, lol. At least those two things give me a lot of joy. I think I started working on this website mostly because I lost my apple pencil a month ago, and I've been going crazy without it. I had to throw myself into another creative hobby or I'd lose what little is left of myself lmao. I still draw on paper sometimes, but coloring is what I like the most about drawing, and I just don't find that enjoyable on paper.

I've been thinking a lot about dipping my toes into making visual novels lately, too. I've had Ren'Py and RPG Maker MZ on my laptop for months because I've wanted to try making a game, and I've been wanting to write more lately. A visual novel is the perfect combination, right? TSR has Duel Links and Tag Force portraits, so I could probably harness the power of my Yu-Gi-Oh hyperfixation and pump out a couple experimental fan VNs lol x)

I did have an idea for a Vocaloid rhythm game dating simulator, and I do want to make that eventually, but it's going to be a lot of work, so that's a project for when I have some actual experience under my belt. It's not super fleshed out, but it's been living in my brain for a while... I don't have any experience with music, so I'd probably have to commission someone. I think it would be super cute if the BPM of the song were tied to the "heartbeat" of your love interest! I'd want the songs to start out slow, and gain speed at certain parts of your combo. If you break your combo, it would send you back to the previous BPM stage. The goal would be to get to a certain BPM, and depending on what it was at the end you'd progress the romance route and unlock special scenes...

But that idea won't come to fruition for a long time. Oh well :P

March 19

I finally set up the PS Vita I got in 2024! It was easy to do, but a little more difficult than the 3DS lol. Now that I have both, I'll be unstoppable... I didn't realize how long it would take to install games though; I've been doing it for over 11 hours lol.

Around 12 years old, I had a HUGE Danganronpa phase. It's super embarrassing to think back on... but since I have 256gb on a modded Vita now, well... it'd be a crime not to go back and actually play them for the first time, lol.

Actually, that's been a huge debate on twitter recently. People have been arguing that you can't be a fan of a game by just watching it on YouTube, but when I was a kid, I only had a tablet and 3DS, and very little money, so I couldn't play the games I wanted to. That's why I don't think it's fair to say you can't be a fan by just watching it. Well, I guess characters and story are the most important part to me, and that's something you can get through just watching. To people who care the most about the gameplay, or for games that have very little story, I guess it's probably different.

Either way, I don't think it matters. Twitter drama is super dumb. I've already thrown away Instagram, so let's all do our best to stay away from things that hurt our brains. :)

March 21

I want to start writing more, so I started working on an old Project Sekai smut fic from 2023 again... Honestly, it's super hard for me lmao. Writing the bits before the smut was easy, but I have no idea where I wanna go with it!! I always focus more on the plot than the sex, so writing it is just... bleh. I might re-read some of my favorites for inspiration or something, lol.

Lately my well of ideas has run dry... Years ago I had so many story ideas floating around in my brain, but I can't think of a single thing anymore. Once I finish this old smut fic, I'm thinking of writing stories based on my favorite Vocaloid songs. Maybe once I start writing regularly, I'll start coming up with ideas again. Most stories are really just an amalgamation of things that already exist anyway, so that doesn't seem like a bad place to start, lol.

When I was a kid, I wrote original stories all the time. I really miss that... I want to work back up to it eventually. It's okay to start slow, though.

Speaking of things I've been working on lately, I'm still creating new character playlists on Spotify. Reading song lyrics and deluding myself into believing they apply to my favorite characters has to be one of my favorite pastimes xD If even one lyric brings their image to mind, it's getting added to the playlist lolol. Even if the rest of the song isn't like them at all... Maybe I could stand to be more strict... but what's the fun in that? x)

I'll keep creating and doing things that bring me joy. That's what life is all about!

March 26

Been a stressful few days. Had to send a lot of emails and make a lot of phone calls. So exhausted... I just wanna rest. But even rest doesn't feel like rest, you know? Life is just too much.

I've slowed down on pretty much all my creative projects, including this website. Figuring shit out is fun when you don't have any actual responsibilities, but it just stresses me out otherwise. Learning things I want to learn just feels like another responsibility.

I don't want to be dramatic, but sometimes I feel like having to do shit is almost traumatizing lol. Every day of school, every assignment, every chore, every email and every phone call, everything just feels like trauma that I rarely have time to recover from. That's such a ridiculous thing to say, though. Who would ever feel that way? Regardless, I'm not looking forward to going back to school. It's like having to go back to an abusive household where you know you're just going to get beat lmao.

Well, aside from that, I've really been wanting to play the new Tomodachi Life lately. The demo looks cool. It's definitely an improvement the game I played as a kid, lol. I guess having money to do things like play Tomodachi Life is why you have to go to work and school. Not like that makes it any easier. I hope I'm able to play it when it comes out, though.